Paralyzed

Well.... Dave went on another business trip. I always miss him when he goes... but this time around I had big plans, at least I thought. Dave was headed to the quilt shop, so I decided to finish his quilt top so he could bring it and have it quilted. He left at 4am on Tuesday and I finished his quilt at 3:45am, only 15 minutes to spare!!!

The next morning I awoke to my Mother banging on my front door. She had come over to help me paint my kitchen. We spent the day painting and finished up the next day. Next on the agenda was to make new curtains and a duvet cover, clean perfectly, and decorate our bedroom all nice. WELL...

On the third day that Dave was gone, I bent over to pick up Joseph so he could sit in his high chair for breakfast. I didn't even touch Joseph when my lower back completely seized up on me and I couldn't move. I couldn't stand back up and the pain was so strong that I ended up on the floor. I sat on the floor for a few minutes in a complete panic. I was thinking "how can I get back up? How long will this pain last? What if I can't get back up?" I finally grabbed onto a chair and used all my strength to get back up. I haven't been the same since.

I've spent the last few days basically stuck in my bed. I can't even lean forward to change a diaper, give a hug, or even walk. I luckily had friends and family come over to take care of the kids until Dave came back Saturday night. Oh and since I'm pregnant, I can't even take heavy medication to solve my problem. Dave has to help me go to the bathroom which is embarrassing and frustrating. I can't lift my legs so when we go to the bathroom. I have to hold onto Dave and pivot my feet (like I'm doing the sideways moonwalk) until I get to the bathroom. Then holding on to the counter and the wall, I slowly and painfully lower myself to the toilet. Getting off the toilet is a whole other ordeal. It takes everything out of me to get to the bathroom and I feel like I'm going to hyperventilate from all the heavy breathing. Today Rosie saw Dave and I headed down the hall to the bathroom. She said "Mommy and Daddy are dancing." Awww at least someone if finding joy in my injury.

I think the worst part about having this injury is that I can't be with my kids. I cried when Joseph needed a diaper change and I was unable to even get off the couch to get a fresh diaper off the shelf. I cried when he wanted to be picked up to cuddle and I couldn't do it. I cry when I can't get off my bed to tuck my kids in to bed and lean over and kiss them goodnight. I hate that I can't cook them dinner or do their laundry. I worry about the baby in my tummy, about how this might be affecting him/her and if the medication I'm taking is really safe. I feel bad for Dave who's already exhausted from his business trip and has come home to a crippled wife and fussy children to deal with. I know he hates to see me like this and he hates to see me cry. As a family, we really are having a hard time dealing with it all. The kids feel neglected, I'm sure, and Dave feels overwhelmed. I never wish this upon anyone.

I pray that this will pass quickly so life can resume. I suppose this is a learning experience, to have more empathy and to help others in times of need. Next week family from out of town will be here. I pray to be healed by then.

Me Ka Aloha
- Elisabeth